I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
