on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
