sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
