She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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