The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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