what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
