Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
