can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
