I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
