eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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