Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
