Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
