I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
