My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
