You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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