Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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