All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
