I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize