My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
