laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
