Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Non-Jews are for practice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
