Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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