I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
