he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
