We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
