he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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