I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
