its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk is not a location!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
