went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
