But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
