a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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