can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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