i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
