you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He better not be in your backpack
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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