i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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