Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
