spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
