I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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