and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
