Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
