I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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