Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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