i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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