I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
