i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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