Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
