Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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