Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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