He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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