I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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