Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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