Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
