FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
