Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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