where does the pee come out of this thing
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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