haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
