erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
