I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
