she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
