I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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