Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize