Apparently you make a good broom.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
