Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
