My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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