How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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