you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
