My sheets look like a crime scene.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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