Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
