I need help removing her.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
