Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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