Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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