you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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