At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
