he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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