So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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